WASHINGTON—Unable to maintain his composure in light of such a tragic situation, Todd Michaels, a lobbyist for Kaiser Permanente, reportedly teared up Tuesday after realizing that Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) no longer recognized his face. “Barely a week has gone by for the last 10 years when we haven’t discussed how to make sure Kaiser has a seat at the table, so it’s absolutely devastating seeing her cognitive function dip like this,” said a visibly upset Michaels, confirming that the senator’s repeated references to George W. Bush’s proposed social security privatization had made him realize she was not aware what decade it was anymore. “It’s just so sad. Senator Feinstein has been there for us as long as I can remember, guiding us and helping turn us into the industry we are today, but now she can’t even differentiate me from a lobbyist for Google or Pacific Gas & Electric. The best I can do is hope she has a few lucid minutes a day when I can get her to push through the legislation we need.” At press time, Michaels vowed that despite the difficulty he would remain by Feinstein’s side for years or even decades to come.
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